Just Better

Honesty

I'll be honest.  It's been hard living here at Sun Valley.  It's extremely rare to find someone who only drinks a little, let alone not at all.  Most people smoke.  Swearing in everyday casual conversation is extremely normal.  People have sex for fun.

For the last few weeks, I've been smiling and as happy as can be on the outside.  And every now again, the inside of me has believed in the masquerade, but when it comes to the end of the day and I'm alone and overwhelmed, not so much.  I've chosen not to let it show how much it brings down my spirits when the things listed above go on while still standing up for my beliefs and standards, but it's so hard being the only one doing so.

At the same time, I wouldn't have it any other way.  As hard as it is, I'm growing, learning, and am becoming stronger.  My standards, faith, trust, and beliefs have become stronger than ever against the opposition.  In fact, it's actually easier to have strong standards here than in Utah.  Well, maybe not easy.  Let's put it this way, it's easy to have strong standards and values here, but hard to be the only one with the standards and values. It's hard to have to defend myself against a group of people who are trying to prove that my standards don't matter or that what I believe is silly.  I often think that it would be so much easier if I was a missionary, because then I'd have at least one other person, a companion, who's got my back.

But I have two people who are even better - God and Jesus Christ.  Knowing that they've got my back every time I stand up for my beliefs means so much to me.  Knowing that they are so proud of me whenever I keep my strong standards means the world.  And that is exactly why I don't have the "one sip" or the "one smoke" because I'm just curious and want to know what it's like just once - just for a moment.  I'm on the right side and that is where I'm going to stay.  I don't want to do anything that keeps God and Christ from my side and in my heart.

It's a choice.  Have God and Christ by my side helping me, or limit the help I get and the love that I feel through bad decisions.  Emptiness, or fullness.  Hate, jealousy, envy, anger, sadness, or love and happiness?  Thanks, but I choose help, love, fullness, and happiness. And I'm going to make choices that allow me to have and feel such great things.

And while hate, jealous, envy, anger, and sadness do still exist because we are human.  Love and happiness will always come through Christ.

Sometimes, we just have to be patient.  As I have mentioned, the last three weeks have been hard on me and on the inside, I have often been sad.  It's a sad feeling to be alone. And being with a big group of people, especially people who are not doing good things, can make a person feel even more alone.  And this is exactly how it has been for me.  However, as of today, things ARE getting better. SO SO SO MUCH BETTER. And my prayers are being answered.

Blessings and Happiness

First, I've done some easy butt-sucking and have gotten most Sundays off!  When I first got here, I honestly wasn't sure if I cared to get Sundays off or not.  But I quickly learned that I DO care.  Sundays are the only days when I get to spend most of the day with people who do and say good things - and that means a lot to me.  It's the day when I am uplifted the most.  And I currently can't believe how many Sundays I took for granted in Utah!  If it takes me getting outside of Utah and in difficult situations to realize how special Sundays are, then so be it!

Second, for the last three weeks, I have prayed and prayed for even just one friend who has my same standards - someone even close to having my same standards.  I tried not to ask too often for a friend who shares my same beliefs because let's face it, it just wasn't likely.  Well, on the contrary, it WAS likely!  I've made about three friends who are active member of the LDS Church!  I can't wait to begin spending more and more time with them!  I've also made 2 other friends from China who are close to having my same standards.  And they are so nice, hilarious, fun, and good.  As it turns out, I don't have to CONSTANTLY be alone after all!

Third, my job is just a blessing.  Ice skating, playing tennis, feeding the ducks and swans, hiking, going on gondola rides, golfing, going on hay rides and picnics, and swimming with pre-school aged kids is so fun. Children are so special and I love spending time with them.  It's such a good thing.  And they're all the same, whether they're from America, Russia, New Orleans, or Dubai.  And besides, I fit in so well seeing as I live in my own little world - Neverland!

Lastly,  God has given me so much strength.  This whole experience is marvelous.  Yes, I so often am tempted to just quit and go back to Utah and do EFY again, but that would be the easy thing to do.  And I don't want to take the easy road.  I want to be where God wants me doing things He would have me do.  And while He won't outright tell me where to go and what to do (though I wish He would), I know in my heart that I'm at the right place doing the right things.  And because of that, I'm growing and strengthening, having amazing experiences, and having unique missionary experiences.

Ok, so this was so very long! I just had so much to express!  But in one blog entree, this is a lot... so I will be done... for this entree that is haha.

I hope everyone (if anyone) that reads this is doing well.  You are all my close friends, and I miss you all.  And I miss Utah dearly.  Please comment and let me know what you are up to and how you are doing, I would absolutely love to know more than you tell me in your topic-specific blogs.

Peace!

Callie

Mood: Frustrated... Diamonds shine better against a dark background... and Oprah Winfrey

Mood: Frustrated.

Frustrated that so many people take advantage of their friends.  They use each other when it's convenient, then toss them away and forget as if they're yesterday's paper.  Has it really to the point that people treat they're friends like they're less than human?  Let alone a friend!  They're careless.  Most of all, they don't know how to appreciate.

I'm frustrated that so many people can't take the minimal effort it takes to attend all 3 meetings of church because of the weakest excuses.  And some don't go at all because of a small "headache" or "cough."  Worst of all, they're "just too tired."

I'm frustrated that so many people don't see how good they have it, particularly those who have the Gospel surrounding them.

Most of all, I'm frustrated that I used to be one of those people.  Maybe not like some of the extremes I've described (of whom I've mentioned for a reason), but to a certain point.  And it makes me frustrated at myself.

Because here, at Sun Valley, I can easily see how lucky I was in Logan, or Centerville, or even Orem. Yes, Orem.

Because here, at Sun Valley, I stand alone.  I don't have one true friend here who doesn't drink, or smoke, or say the F-bomb every two words (literally).  I'm tired of being in this atmosphere and I still have about six more weeks to go.  I realize that is not long, but if you were where I am, in my situation, it would feel like an eternity.

Obviously, tonight I am not looking at the bigger picture.  And currently, I have no desire to.  Yes, I'm choosing to be miserable for the time being because I don't have the strength right now to be as optimistic as I usually am.

This morning, I woke up about every 20 minutes starting 3 hours before I needed to wake up to get ready for church because I was just that excited - excited to go to church.  A refuge.  A place where  people held my standards and believed what I believed.  I wasn't a black sheep.  And while I was there, I've never felt more at home.  I could feel the Heavens whispering to me, "This is where you belong." No one was drinking, no one was smoking, no one was swearing, and no one was being provocative.  And it was such a relief.  And when church ended, I cried knowing that I was going back to the place where I had no friend who held my standards.  I knew I would be spending Sunday alone in my Harry Potter (small, empty) room.

That's when I got a text from my work asking if I wanted to babysit tonight.  My first thought was that I wouldn't because I promised that I would take no babysitting jobs on Sundays (even though it pays over 12 dollars an hour), because that is the one part of my job, my hours, that I control.  However, I then realized that I could spend the rest of Sunday by myself, or with my friends here who would be doing very un-Sunday-like things, or with a 5 year old child doing good, wholesome things.  Well, I couldn't resist taking the babysitting job tonight - anything to not be alone.

In fact, my job doing Playschool (hiking, ice skating, tennis, golfing, bowling, swimming, etc with preschool aged kids) during the day is what saves me.  It's so good for me to have a few hours to get away from this atmosphere and be around children who laugh and smile (for the most part lol).

But when work is done... Ooooh what I wouldn't do for a friend.  A friend who holds my standards. What I wouldn't do for a friend who wants to do anything other than drink.  It's crazy what people around here will do, the efforts they will go to, to just get one drink every single night.

And I've been doing some major butt sucking in order to get as many Sundays off as I can... and I think I've succeeded in that.  Sundays are more important to me now more than ever.  They truly are my one day of rest from the world.  I guess it took the getting out of Utah and into "sin city" thing to make me realize the significance of Sundays.  Sundays are the one day where I don't force myself to socialize with the foreigners here.  Otherwise, throughout the week, I try to do as much as I can 1. for the experience and 2. to represent Christ and hopefully make a difference and be a good influence. We are told to live our lives as missionaries, after all   But on Sundays, I get to rest.  I get to hide from the worldly things going on.

If you can't tell, I'm just a complainer tonight.  It's just exhausting having to stand tall and stand alone.  At least I am not Spiritually alone.  I have God, Christ, and the Holy Ghost by my side helping me.  I'm just grateful to have this Gospel.  It's so comforting to know that I am on the right side.  I wish the people around me could see what they're missing.

And I'm doing as much as I can to show them - to represent Christ and the true church here.  I refuse to lower myself and my standards.  I don't care how much I stand out because of them (and I do - I'm the Mormon girl who doesn't drink).  I will do what I have to do.

So, as I do what I have to do - what God would have me do, I pray for a friend.  And until I get relief, I will stay strong against the current.  As John Bytheyway has said, "Diamonds shine better against a dark background."

That is all for my venting for now.

On the upside...  I SAW OPRAH WINFREY MULTIPLE TIMES THE OTHER DAY! I can't believe the things I'm experiencing here!!!

Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas, I mean Utah, anymore!

Question: When I thought I was coming to Sun Valley, Idaho, did I accidently go to Romania instead?  Lol just kidding.  But, FYI, there's more to Romania than the Romanian dragon on Harry Potter.

Here in Sun Valley, at the dorms where I live, the majority of the people are Foreign.  Originally, I was scared that I would end up being alone all of summer.  The first impression I got was that everyone already had their "groups" of friends depending on what country they're from.  I was worried that I would be the oddball out.

However, things worked out differently than I thought.  In fact, within just one week, I've learned a lot about the people here (and when I say people, I mean those from other countries) and I've made some great friends!  In fact, tonight I celebrated the 4th of July with two people from Romania and one from Spain.  I seriously love them, they are so nice and so much fun. This is the first time I haven't spent this holiday with other Americans!  Anyways, back to the point of this blog...

First, they are all always saying please and thank you (even the little 2 year olds that I sometimes babysit).  I've never met such polite people - really though.  The guys never fail to open doors for the girls, and they don't only open them, they HOLD them open. Every time!  Maybe I should move to Europe where chivalry is STILL ALIVE! I wish I could explain it better and give more details, but there'd be too much and my blog would explode (and we don't want that.... hopefully).  It's so incredibly refreshing to be treated so well.  Even the girls are so nice and inclusive.  I have yet to meet one that's an outright brat.  Overall, they are very, very kind and I'm learning so much from them (whether they know it or not).  They don't disclude because of differences.  Even though I'm one of the few Americans living in the dorms here, they treat me as though I am one of them.  And I am.  In the end, we all just want to have fun, make friends, and be happy.  It's not our differences (which are few) that matter, it's our similarities.  And when it comes to our differences, we learn from each other.  On the very first day that I met some of them, they were already treating me like I was one of their friends.  And having none here, it meant the world to me.  Honestly, I wish  more people were like that.

Also, all of those that I have met from other countries are very respectful of religion.  They don't put you down because of your beliefs and they don't judge.  None of them have literally mocked me for my standards.  Yes, there is a little teasing here and there, but it's just fun and we are all laughing, aka they don't cross the line.  They are actually so much more understanding and kind about it than some Americans I've met so far.  I wish I could convey how much it all means to me.  Even though I don't do all of the things that they do (mostly drinking), they still include me in everything.

I'm just learning to love it here.  I love getting to know people with different cultures and different backgrounds.  I've learned that we all have more similarities than differences. We are all the same.  And there is no "popularity" contest, or anything about status.  It's all about acceptance and making the best of what you've got here.  I've never experienced something like this and, until now, the most interaction I've had from anyone that's not American is when a boy from France came and stayed with my family for two weeks.  I'm just so glad to be here!  Heck, I'm even grateful that I'm single just so that I CAN be here and experiences these things!

In the beginning, I was extremely out of my comfort zone - entering a world where there's almost no Utahns and Mormons, let alone Americans to hang out with.

Now, I am getting used to this new atmosphere, new situations, and new people and friends.

In the end, I get the feeling that I'll be sad to leave this place and the people I've become (and will become) friends with.  It'll be sad to know that we'll be in separate countries - we won't be able to just hang out every night.  Also, it'll be weird to go back to Utah where there's not half as much diversity!

Luckily, there's this smart guy who invented FACEBOOK - meaning I'll be able to keep in touch with all of my friends here! What would we do without it?

Conclusion:  This is the best experience ever!  How many people out there get to say that they are friends with people from France, Spain, Romania, Slovakia, Argentina, Panama, Madagascar, Brazil, and more!?!  I'm so grateful for this opportunity!


Hey friends (if you are reading this, then you are my friend), I love hearing from you, so please leave comments!  Also, if you have a blog, leave a comment with the name so that I CAN FOLLOW YOU BACK!