Just Better

Honesty

I'll be honest.  It's been hard living here at Sun Valley.  It's extremely rare to find someone who only drinks a little, let alone not at all.  Most people smoke.  Swearing in everyday casual conversation is extremely normal.  People have sex for fun.

For the last few weeks, I've been smiling and as happy as can be on the outside.  And every now again, the inside of me has believed in the masquerade, but when it comes to the end of the day and I'm alone and overwhelmed, not so much.  I've chosen not to let it show how much it brings down my spirits when the things listed above go on while still standing up for my beliefs and standards, but it's so hard being the only one doing so.

At the same time, I wouldn't have it any other way.  As hard as it is, I'm growing, learning, and am becoming stronger.  My standards, faith, trust, and beliefs have become stronger than ever against the opposition.  In fact, it's actually easier to have strong standards here than in Utah.  Well, maybe not easy.  Let's put it this way, it's easy to have strong standards and values here, but hard to be the only one with the standards and values. It's hard to have to defend myself against a group of people who are trying to prove that my standards don't matter or that what I believe is silly.  I often think that it would be so much easier if I was a missionary, because then I'd have at least one other person, a companion, who's got my back.

But I have two people who are even better - God and Jesus Christ.  Knowing that they've got my back every time I stand up for my beliefs means so much to me.  Knowing that they are so proud of me whenever I keep my strong standards means the world.  And that is exactly why I don't have the "one sip" or the "one smoke" because I'm just curious and want to know what it's like just once - just for a moment.  I'm on the right side and that is where I'm going to stay.  I don't want to do anything that keeps God and Christ from my side and in my heart.

It's a choice.  Have God and Christ by my side helping me, or limit the help I get and the love that I feel through bad decisions.  Emptiness, or fullness.  Hate, jealousy, envy, anger, sadness, or love and happiness?  Thanks, but I choose help, love, fullness, and happiness. And I'm going to make choices that allow me to have and feel such great things.

And while hate, jealous, envy, anger, and sadness do still exist because we are human.  Love and happiness will always come through Christ.

Sometimes, we just have to be patient.  As I have mentioned, the last three weeks have been hard on me and on the inside, I have often been sad.  It's a sad feeling to be alone. And being with a big group of people, especially people who are not doing good things, can make a person feel even more alone.  And this is exactly how it has been for me.  However, as of today, things ARE getting better. SO SO SO MUCH BETTER. And my prayers are being answered.

Blessings and Happiness

First, I've done some easy butt-sucking and have gotten most Sundays off!  When I first got here, I honestly wasn't sure if I cared to get Sundays off or not.  But I quickly learned that I DO care.  Sundays are the only days when I get to spend most of the day with people who do and say good things - and that means a lot to me.  It's the day when I am uplifted the most.  And I currently can't believe how many Sundays I took for granted in Utah!  If it takes me getting outside of Utah and in difficult situations to realize how special Sundays are, then so be it!

Second, for the last three weeks, I have prayed and prayed for even just one friend who has my same standards - someone even close to having my same standards.  I tried not to ask too often for a friend who shares my same beliefs because let's face it, it just wasn't likely.  Well, on the contrary, it WAS likely!  I've made about three friends who are active member of the LDS Church!  I can't wait to begin spending more and more time with them!  I've also made 2 other friends from China who are close to having my same standards.  And they are so nice, hilarious, fun, and good.  As it turns out, I don't have to CONSTANTLY be alone after all!

Third, my job is just a blessing.  Ice skating, playing tennis, feeding the ducks and swans, hiking, going on gondola rides, golfing, going on hay rides and picnics, and swimming with pre-school aged kids is so fun. Children are so special and I love spending time with them.  It's such a good thing.  And they're all the same, whether they're from America, Russia, New Orleans, or Dubai.  And besides, I fit in so well seeing as I live in my own little world - Neverland!

Lastly,  God has given me so much strength.  This whole experience is marvelous.  Yes, I so often am tempted to just quit and go back to Utah and do EFY again, but that would be the easy thing to do.  And I don't want to take the easy road.  I want to be where God wants me doing things He would have me do.  And while He won't outright tell me where to go and what to do (though I wish He would), I know in my heart that I'm at the right place doing the right things.  And because of that, I'm growing and strengthening, having amazing experiences, and having unique missionary experiences.

Ok, so this was so very long! I just had so much to express!  But in one blog entree, this is a lot... so I will be done... for this entree that is haha.

I hope everyone (if anyone) that reads this is doing well.  You are all my close friends, and I miss you all.  And I miss Utah dearly.  Please comment and let me know what you are up to and how you are doing, I would absolutely love to know more than you tell me in your topic-specific blogs.

Peace!

Callie