Mood: Frustrated... Diamonds shine better against a dark background... and Oprah Winfrey

Mood: Frustrated.

Frustrated that so many people take advantage of their friends.  They use each other when it's convenient, then toss them away and forget as if they're yesterday's paper.  Has it really to the point that people treat they're friends like they're less than human?  Let alone a friend!  They're careless.  Most of all, they don't know how to appreciate.

I'm frustrated that so many people can't take the minimal effort it takes to attend all 3 meetings of church because of the weakest excuses.  And some don't go at all because of a small "headache" or "cough."  Worst of all, they're "just too tired."

I'm frustrated that so many people don't see how good they have it, particularly those who have the Gospel surrounding them.

Most of all, I'm frustrated that I used to be one of those people.  Maybe not like some of the extremes I've described (of whom I've mentioned for a reason), but to a certain point.  And it makes me frustrated at myself.

Because here, at Sun Valley, I can easily see how lucky I was in Logan, or Centerville, or even Orem. Yes, Orem.

Because here, at Sun Valley, I stand alone.  I don't have one true friend here who doesn't drink, or smoke, or say the F-bomb every two words (literally).  I'm tired of being in this atmosphere and I still have about six more weeks to go.  I realize that is not long, but if you were where I am, in my situation, it would feel like an eternity.

Obviously, tonight I am not looking at the bigger picture.  And currently, I have no desire to.  Yes, I'm choosing to be miserable for the time being because I don't have the strength right now to be as optimistic as I usually am.

This morning, I woke up about every 20 minutes starting 3 hours before I needed to wake up to get ready for church because I was just that excited - excited to go to church.  A refuge.  A place where  people held my standards and believed what I believed.  I wasn't a black sheep.  And while I was there, I've never felt more at home.  I could feel the Heavens whispering to me, "This is where you belong." No one was drinking, no one was smoking, no one was swearing, and no one was being provocative.  And it was such a relief.  And when church ended, I cried knowing that I was going back to the place where I had no friend who held my standards.  I knew I would be spending Sunday alone in my Harry Potter (small, empty) room.

That's when I got a text from my work asking if I wanted to babysit tonight.  My first thought was that I wouldn't because I promised that I would take no babysitting jobs on Sundays (even though it pays over 12 dollars an hour), because that is the one part of my job, my hours, that I control.  However, I then realized that I could spend the rest of Sunday by myself, or with my friends here who would be doing very un-Sunday-like things, or with a 5 year old child doing good, wholesome things.  Well, I couldn't resist taking the babysitting job tonight - anything to not be alone.

In fact, my job doing Playschool (hiking, ice skating, tennis, golfing, bowling, swimming, etc with preschool aged kids) during the day is what saves me.  It's so good for me to have a few hours to get away from this atmosphere and be around children who laugh and smile (for the most part lol).

But when work is done... Ooooh what I wouldn't do for a friend.  A friend who holds my standards. What I wouldn't do for a friend who wants to do anything other than drink.  It's crazy what people around here will do, the efforts they will go to, to just get one drink every single night.

And I've been doing some major butt sucking in order to get as many Sundays off as I can... and I think I've succeeded in that.  Sundays are more important to me now more than ever.  They truly are my one day of rest from the world.  I guess it took the getting out of Utah and into "sin city" thing to make me realize the significance of Sundays.  Sundays are the one day where I don't force myself to socialize with the foreigners here.  Otherwise, throughout the week, I try to do as much as I can 1. for the experience and 2. to represent Christ and hopefully make a difference and be a good influence. We are told to live our lives as missionaries, after all   But on Sundays, I get to rest.  I get to hide from the worldly things going on.

If you can't tell, I'm just a complainer tonight.  It's just exhausting having to stand tall and stand alone.  At least I am not Spiritually alone.  I have God, Christ, and the Holy Ghost by my side helping me.  I'm just grateful to have this Gospel.  It's so comforting to know that I am on the right side.  I wish the people around me could see what they're missing.

And I'm doing as much as I can to show them - to represent Christ and the true church here.  I refuse to lower myself and my standards.  I don't care how much I stand out because of them (and I do - I'm the Mormon girl who doesn't drink).  I will do what I have to do.

So, as I do what I have to do - what God would have me do, I pray for a friend.  And until I get relief, I will stay strong against the current.  As John Bytheyway has said, "Diamonds shine better against a dark background."

That is all for my venting for now.

On the upside...  I SAW OPRAH WINFREY MULTIPLE TIMES THE OTHER DAY! I can't believe the things I'm experiencing here!!!