Sometimes...

Sometimes
     life makes no sense.
Things don't add up.
Everything's jumbled together like a hundred tangled cords.
Somehow,
      little by little,
              it got blurry.
And you want to blame someone for smearing the colors.

But there's no one to blame.                        Not even yourself.

Because no one smeared the colors.  Nothing was blurred.  There are no tangled cords.  Life doesn't have to make sense.

As circumstances and situations changed, the view changed.

And the lens needs to be changed to fit the view.

When the view includes different people or new situations and circumstances,  God, His Spirit, and Christ will always stay in the picture.  

When you see life through their eyes, through the lens they provide, there is always clarity.

Just a Tidbit

Guess who's going to start blogging again?

Me!

So, be prepared (read that in Scar's voice from the Lion King)...

Here's a sneak peak

or in other words

A tidbit of my life as is

*****1*****

Meet my family.  My college family. 

Briton Page, Adam Fullmer, Taylor Paskett, Matt Soelberg, and Nic Monson.  

They seriously know how to read my mind, which I love

However, sometimes they read out loud... 

Basically

I'm pretty sure I'm at their house more than I'm at my own.

So cute right?  

The problem?  They ALL know how to speak/understand Spanish.

So, they know how to plot and surprise me!

*****2*****

My favorite part about being back at school?

DANCES

This girl (Camille Boyce) is the best dancing partner!

*****3*****

Not going to lie, I am missing Sun Valley - my summer home - so very much!

I miss the random adventures

I miss the opportunities I had to represent the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Nothing else has strengthened my testimony and my knowledge of the truth of this Gospel more than this last summer in SV.

(Temple Trip with the Young Women)

The rockin' job!

Most of all, I miss my SV friends.

*****4*****

Lastly, I am currently SO excited to see my family soon.  

It's been FOREVER since I've seen my nieces, nephews, brothers, and sister-in-laws! 

Heck, I've hardly seen my own parents.

P.S. My nieces and nephews all colored the coolest pictures for me over the summer!  Mind you, they weren't the small scribbles you usually see children draw, but they worked hard on these!  Now, that's what I call family!

Overall, I was pretty nervous to come back to school this year.  However, things have a way of working themselves out, and I am so blessed.  I've got an eternal family, my family of friends, I'm working hard in school, and I LOVE my job (yup, I'm teaching gymnastics and I STILL love it).

More than anything, I have the Gospel in my life.  With the Gospel as my number 1 priority, everything else truly has fallen into place.  And when the bumps in the road feel more like mountains, God gives me so much strength.  I can't do much on my own, but with God and Christ, I can do anything.

I'm limitless.

P.S.2.
I might have to work this magic in some of my classes...

Hey, YOU!  Comment!

The Greatest Adventure

In about four days I leave to work in Sun Valley, Idaho - a famous, beautiful resort town in the middle of nowhere.  (It's basically a somewhat ritzier version of Park City in a more secluded area.)


I am a tad sad to soon be forgotten by Utah, yet so excited to go.  It's a great adventure to go somewhere alone and not know what's there awaiting me.  

Anything can happen.

My ankle still hasn't healed and I'm still in a hefty boot, but it'll work out.  I know it.  I have a brace I can use to do the activities (hiking, swimming, horseback riding, etc).  And if armies can't stop the will of God, then neither can an injury.  It won't stop God's plan for me, whatever that may be.  For now, it is to go to Sun Valley and experience this great adventure.


I am just so blessed.


I'm grateful for my past and what I've learned from it.  I look forward with hopes and dreams in the opportunities coming my way.  And I live in today, enjoying the little things and loving those around me.  I'm not perfect at it, but I am learning and growing on the way.  The Lord is by my side and Christ makes up for where I lack.  I have courage.

All is well, all will be well, and I am happy.

Sometimes Satan tries to hide the good things in life with dust, blocks, and craters. President Boyd K. Packer [link] tells a story of a little girl in Japan at the close of World War II who was surrounded by debris, blocks, and craters as she looked for yellow sycamore leaves that she was gathering into a bouquet.  She hardly noticed the mess surrounding her as she did so.  And we can do the same.  Look for the good, make something of it, and the mess will seem unnoticeable.  At least, the burden will seem lighter.


I've been continuously blessed to be able to see the good in my life.  Family, friends, tender mercies, experiences. And they all lead me to grow and become a better person. 

 They all become a part of who I am.

I don't know why God picked me to live this life, but I'm grateful He did.

It's an amazing adventure.

a lost dream, a lived dream, and a new dream

It's so hard to let go of a dream.

A dream that you've lived, and for so long, too.

A dream that you've tasted.

And then to let it go...

Drop the ashes,

Letting them float away in the wind.

Hoping the wind will change its path, turn around,

And

Come back.

Come back.

It continues its way somewhere into spaces and places.

But it didn't take the hope with it.

Because somewhere out there the wind is still lingering its way

through trees, around rocks, across the ocean.

It's still there. Carrying the dream with it.

What if?

Then there's another dream.

The one that is now.

Many words, many sounds, many feelings

Much wonder.

It is. It just is.

So you live it.

Love it.

Take note and never forget.

But then there's another dream.

And that's the one that brings 

excitement, optimism, a new tomorrow

A new moment.

In one split second, on any given day,

A world can change.

Or even worlds.

A moment occurs

Unexpectedly.

No predictions made,

No descriptions measure up.

And no dreamer could have imagined anything better.

A better dream come true than was dreamed in the first place.

And you know it came from a place 

Where laughter lingers throughout space and time, smiles are never lost, and no person forgotten.

It came from where all good things come from.

Even the sparkling sea,

A gown of fireworks glittering against the night sky,

Fields of green dancing under a big blue sky,

That new book, a new world,

Wind whispering words of hope.

And a blue bird singing from place to place

With a lost dream, a lived dream, and a new dream.

Things of Beauty

Butterflies fluttering by



Fields
        of grass and flowers


Ocean glitter



Lovely love



Fairy
     tales


God's Temple



Christ's love


Friendship



Stars shining against the dark night



Triumph
     

Happiness



Life



Believing in the good



Blue bird
     my spirit animal



Summer



Sunflowers



Waterfalls
    let me fall with you


Dancing the night away
                       just for fun



Dreams

Unique, Different, and Beautiful

Apparently I'm in the blogging "phase" again, but there's just so much running through my mind!


For those of you who don't know, I went to an ankle/foot specialist who told me that my ankle is really badly sprained and jacked up.  So there's the bad news. And instead of a flimsy brace, the doctor put me in a boot so that it doesn't get worse or break. The good news is that it's not broken, which hopefully means that it will heal faster! Which I'm entirely planning on because I refuse to wear a big, ugly boot as a bridesmaid at Makenna Blaser's wedding in May (which I'm kinda freaking out about - MAKENNA'S MARRYING CODY)!


Anyways, as we all know, Thursday was not a good day.  I kinda had a break down.  When it comes to losing physical mobility, even just for a short amount of time, I kind of freak out.  As quirky as it is, exercise is my hobby. I love the way it makes me feel.  I love shaking my booty at zumba, the peace of yoga, running out my frustrations as my hair flops behind me, and the burn of my muscles as I resist opposition.  Even my job is physical as I teach gymnastics (that's not going to be as easy to do now).  And the occasional mini dance parties that I have with the neighbors or by  myself in my room are probably the highlights of my days (no lie).
Also, if you know me, then you also know that I hate having to say "no" to fun things.  And now, here I am, rejecting the opportunities to play sports, go tumbling, and dancing (unless I'm willing to dance with only my arms - which has already occurred anyways).  I even had to cancel on a date last night because we were going to go swimming.  Gratefully, for a date I have today, as soon as I told the guy that I'm in a boot, he and the group changed the date from playing sports to something else (How gentlemanly is that?).


So, yes, it sucks.  It's a big bummer for me.  And it hurts - a lot. However, as I was limping around campus yesterday, I looked to my left and there was a guy in a wheelchair. And there I was, feeling sorry for myself because of my hurt ankle.  Who do I think I am?  I have no right to complain.  Wearing a boot for a while is nothing.  So, this is me getting over it.  My ankle will heal relatively quickly, while the gentleman in the wheelchair may not be so lucky.


And this brings me to my next thought.  Why can't we all just be grateful to have the ability to run, dance, walk, and yes, even fall - because we can get back up. This is where I'm the biggest hypocrite.  Just like most girls, I am always complaining about the many imperfections of my own body. The fact that it's what we've been trained to do is a whole other story (if I get into it, I'll just feel the rage towards society and media).  The point is that we spend so much time hating parts of ourselves when we should be so grateful for them.  We may not be "perfect" in the world's eye, but the abilities we have are amazing.


I don't have the most beautiful voice, but I can sing.  I may be clumsy, but I can dance.  My legs may not be "sticks," but they sure have the muscles to climb up a big mountain. And my hair is not long and glorious like Blake Lively's, but I can rock a high pony tail (and do most days - ha).


The world tells us to be unique, different, and beautiful.  The only problem is that the world also tells us exactly how to be each of those things.  And if we don't do it exactly how they say, then we are suddenly "less than."  What's up with that? We already are UNIQUE, DIFFERENT, AND BEAUTIFUL in the best kinds of ways!  I just think that it's time we stop feeling insecure over the things that really don't matter and accept that we all have our quirks, awkward moments, and bad days.  Lately, I have not entirely loved the phrase, "Focus on the good things, not the bad."  Because isn't it all good?  We can love our quirks even when others don't, we can laugh at our awkward moments, and we can get stronger and learn from those bad days (or even bad weeks, months, and years - as hard as they can be). 


We are all beautiful, and we should feel that way.  And I don't only mean the physical kind of beautiful.  The ways in which we are naturally unique and different emotionally, physically, and spiritually is what makes EACH OF US beautiful.  We are beautiful in our own ways.  And I prefer it that way.  I don't want to be seen as the same "beautiful" as someone else. I know I've written in it past posts, but I just want to be me.  Besides, isn't that the way God meant it to be?


So, as cheesy as it is.... 

And you better BELIEVE IT.

Bad (and painful) Day

Quick note:  I'm starving... if anyone loves me enough to go get me food, I'll give you money.  It hurts too much to walk to my car to do it myself.  The food is not worth the pain.


THIS IS ME, and not only because it rained all day today.
 


I should be doing homework, or something productive like that.
But as of right now, there is no way that's happening.
It started out as a great morning.
In fact, it was awesome.  I tumbled and beat my record. I did more handsprings than I've ever done in my life - thanks to a long tumbling floor and a coach/boss who pushes me!  It's kinda a big deal for me.  I've been tumbling on and off for the last three years, so to beat my record from when I was at my peak in high school was a great boost for me!
And then I began working on my back tucks (aka back flips).  Well, somehow, one went wrong and when I landed, my ankle felt like it had collasped.  How lame is that? It's only one tuck and suddenly I was injured.
So... I sat there, pretending it didn't hurt half as badly as it did (I've never felt so much physical pain in my life). I then had to teach pre-school tumbling as I tried to keep the tears from falling down my face.


After teaching I went to the instacare at IHC.  They did an X-ray, the doctor looked at the X-ray for like 1/2 a second (ok, maybe 30 seconds) and told me I had a bad sprain, that something's wrong with the ligaments in my ankle, that I shouldn't do anything on it for the next few weeks or else it'll break, and that I needed to wear the (FLIMSY) brace she gave me.  The end.  "Great" doctor, eh?  Here I am, feeling more pain than I've ever felt, I can hardly walk, and all she tells me is that "something's" wrong with the ligaments in my ankle?


As it turns out, one of my co-workers went to that same doctor who basically told him the same thing, so he went to another doctor who told him what was wrong and helped him.  Therefore, I will be going to a "real" doctor tomorrow.


Until then, I will suffer in pain, mope (or limp) around and feel sorry for myself, be angry at the "fake" doctor, and be sad that I can't do any physical activity for a while (if any of you know me, you also know that this is a big deal for me).


OK... I probably sound dramatic. Do I care? No.  I'm already emotional as it is.
So let me be dramatic as I drown in my own pettiness (feel free to laugh at this point - it's OK).   Also, I doubt much of this post even makes sense.


And, as much as I SO DO NOT want to, I will post some positive notes.
1. I beat my tumbling record.
2. I found ice to put on my ankle.
3. I have an apt. with a good doctor tomorrow.
4. I have great coworkers.
5.  After a long rainy day, the sun is out.
6. TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER!
7.  Up until this point, this week has really been great.


the end

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." - J.K. Rowling

I have not blogged in so long, so I thought I might as well catch you up (whoever "you" is).  As usual, I don't know what I'm going to write, but what matters is that I'm putting my thoughts out into the world (which I'll probably regret in the future, but that's besides the point).  And maybe, one day, some historian in the year 3000 will come across this blog and find some significance in my words (hmmm now that I think about it, that's be pretty funny).


To start off, I can't help but express how grateful I am.  I truly live a beautiful life.  There are so many times when I get caught up in thoughts about the future.  I can't help but dream of the time when I'll be so blessed to be able to marry the person I love most in the world in one of God's Temples to be sealed forever - for time and eternity.  It's so amazing that God has created a way that makes it so that marriage, love, and family doesn't have to end with death.  It's only one of the many reasons I am so grateful to have Christ's restored Gospel, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, in my life.  It is my life.  I am also so excited to be able to apply my knowledge of family and parenting to my own family someday (note: "someday" is not today... or tomorrow... or next year, etc. - just to clarify).


While it is fun to dream of these things that will happen someday, I can't help but feel that I am already living "the dream."  It only gets better from here, yet right now is already so amazing.


Yes, just like everybody else, I have struggles and challenges that sometimes seem overwhelming and unfair.  However, there is so much good in my life that I can't help but be grateful and happy - even during the hard times.  First, as we all know, true friends are so difficult to find.  They are rare.  Yet, I am incredibly blessed to have true friends in my life. I couldn't help but realize and remember this throughout this last weekend when I went bowling, attended homecomings, and wedding planned with the best of the best people in my life. Second, I have an amazing family.  I love my four eldest brothers, my sister-in-laws, and my nieces and nephews so much.  I don't know if they will ever realize how much I love spending time with them - I wish I lived nearer to them so that I could see them more often.  There's also my two other brothers, Jared and Ian.  While they tease me more than I deserve (a brother's duty), they are always making me laugh.  Also, my parents make endless sacrifices for me - it's incredible.  Third, I have the most amazing experiences that I learn so much from.  Some of these are difficult, and some of these are careless and fun, yet they all add so much meaning to my life.  Last, and most importantly, I have the Gospel in my life.  It is the only reason I live this beautiful life.  I don't know why God picked me to live this life, but He did.  And Christ died so that I might live.  For that, I am forever indebted to Him.  My life is His.


In addition to these four major parts of my life, I also have the best job, I'm going to a great school, I have the most amazing opportunities, I'm learning so much, and I have so much FUN!  Some days are better than others, but what matters is that there is something good to find in every day.


How can I not be grateful with all of these things in my life?  God blesses me so much.
As I have previously mentioned, I live such a beautiful life.

Sometimes, it leaves me speechless.


p.s....

 the sun is out...

I'm listening to show tunes and cheesy pop music...

 and am dancing around in my apartment...

AND THERE'S NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT!

p.s.2. leave comments and your blogging address :)

Desires

Right now, I just want to burst into tears and throw a fit.  No worries, I'm just a wimp and a baby right now.  Emotion overload. So, to distract myself, I'll just write.  I have not blogged in FOREVER, so this is a small miracle. Basically, as tonight was a toughie, my mind was wondering and thinking of all the things I'd like that would allow me to escape for just a moment.  They're selfish, cheesy, and wacky things - so no judging (I just did it for you).  Plus, this is my blog, so if you don't like it, don't read it. Also, this is a night when I do not care about grammar and all that jazz.  This is not an English class.  That said (ugh, I just gave the "don't criticize or mock me speech," since when am I the blogger who does that?), here are my of the moment desires.


1.  I want to fly away to an exotic beach where the sun shines and the birds sing. As my dad always says, "You know you're on vacation when palm trees are in sight."  I want to lay in the sand with the sun on my face.  I want to feel the heat of the sand almost burn my feet as I run to the shoreline to cool off.  Then, I want to walk along that shoreline as my feet sink in with every step, while I collect the small, smooth shells.  I want to be carefree with the salty wind running through my hair.  I'd be OK with dancing around in the waves with my iPod in my hand (with a waterproof cover), too.

2.  I want to be embraced... by a guy... and I want to know that he's not about to let go.  Who this guy is, I don't know... and I almost don't care at this moment (although, it'd be a plus if he could be my prince charming of whom I'd spend the rest of my life with).  I just want to be held, feel safe, and know that somebody's there - even just for a moment.  

3.  I want to lie in a bed made of clouds with soft fluffy blankets to overcome me.  While you're at it, fetch me a sparkling rainbow to drape over me.  Might as well bring a couple of care bears with you.

4.  A cup of hot chocolate with a touch of vanilla would be nice.

5.  Skydiving or something.  Give me something exhilarating.  Blow my mind.

6.  Find me a field of long, tall, and soft grass to graze my skin as I take a long, beautiful nap full of happy dreams.  I want to hear the musical whisper of the wind.  P.S. No spiders allowed.

7.  Take me to a waterfall. Then, just let me sit and think.  That's all.

8.  Take me hiking.  Give me adventures.  White water kayaking or rafting would be great, too.

9.  I want a happily ever after.

in a castle.... with someone who looks like....

  Zac Efron.  

Or a young Leonardo would be nice.  

Well, that's as far as my desires go on this silent, lonely night! Since all I can do is dream about most of these things, I might as well do it in my sleep.  

Good night, sleep tight.

love,

me

p.s. I love comments!

p.s.2. follow!
p.s.3.  Have a blog? What is it?